Background and plot
Sam Grabiner's debut play Boys on the Verge of Tears won the prestigious Verity Bargate Award for new writing in 2022. The award, presented by Soho Theatre, not only acknowledges outstanding new writing talent but also provides a full production run at the Soho Theatre in London. The play premiered in April 2024, directed by James Macdonald.
Set entirely within the confines of a male public toilet, the piece is divided into three movements that trace the trials and tribulations of contemporary masculinity. The five actors in the production portray nearly 40 characters in total, taking the audience through a spectrum of male experiences from childhood to old age. The toilet serves as a metaphorical space for the characters to confront their deepest insecurities and emotional struggles, symbolising both a literal and figurative place where masculinity is ‘relieved’ and ‘contained’. The play opens with a father desperately trying to toilet-train his unseen young son, setting the stage for what unfolds as a reflection on male development. The act of learning to use the toilet unaided is presented as a fundamental rite of passage for boys, marking the beginning of their struggle with the expectations society places on them. In the first movement, ‘Yesterday’, we follow the journey of boys as they transition from childhood to adolescence. The toilets primarily represent the boys’ toilets in a school, a space fraught with the pressures of puberty, peer interaction, and the performative aspects of masculinity. We see boys struggling with their fragility, increasingly expressing it through aggression and violence. This section explores how boys begin to repress their emotions and adopt the posturing of toughness to navigate their way through school life.
The second movement, ‘Today’, shifts the setting to the loos of a nightclub, focusing on a character named Jo. Jo's experimentation with his masculinity leads to a mix of care and destruction. He encounters a compassionate trainee nurse and a drag queen offering a sympathetic ear, but as the evening progresses, Jo's vulnerability is overtaken by drug use, and the nightclub setting transforms into a Dantesque purgatory. Here, the stage becomes a hellish space where characters embody the Devil and the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, marking Jo's descent into a personal hell. This movement ends with Jo suffering a seizure and being removed by paramedics, a metaphor for the destructive toll of emotional repression.
In the third and final movement, ‘Tomorrow’, the focus shifts to a stepfather and his stepson. The stepfather, nearing death, asks for help from his stepson in emptying and replacing his colostomy bag. The taboo and deeply personal nature of this exchange presents an intimate moment between the two, where the stepfather reflects on love, sex, and his relationship with the stepson's mother. This moment allows the stepfather to express emotions typically associated with vulnerability, something he could not express earlier in life. The play concludes with the young boy from the first scene emerging from the toilet cubicle, potentially representing the cyclical nature of life, with the boy and stepfather mirroring each other at opposite ends of their life journeys.
Through humour and pathos, Boys on the Verge of Tears paints a portrait of the emotional burdens men carry, highlighting how the repression of these feelings can push them to the brink of breakdown. The title itself encapsulates this tension: the characters, like masculinity itself, teeter on the verge of collapse, with the word ‘tears’ signifying both emotional release and the fractures within societal norms that hold back this vulnerability.
Themes of the play
Emotional repression is central to Boys on the Verge of Tears, with particular focus on how this negatively affects boys and young men as they navigate societal expectations that discourage vulnerability. Grabiner exposes how the concept of ‘masculinity’ forces boys to stifle their emotions, creating a facade of strength and stoicism. This pressure to remain outwardly strong is a source of internal conflict for many characters in the play, particularly Jo, who struggles with his emotions but fears that expressing them will be seen as weakness.
Grabiner's exploration of emotional repression speaks to contemporary discussions about mental health, particularly in boys and men, who are statistically less likely to seek help or express their feelings. This suppression of emotions often manifests in outbursts of anger, confusion, and sadness, as the characters grapple with their internal turmoil. Jo's story, central to the second movement, encapsulates this struggle: despite his growing self-awareness, he remains trapped in the notion that to express vulnerability is to fail as a man.
Peer pressure also plays a critical role in the characters’ emotional development. Boys and men within the play are shown policing each other's behaviour, perpetuating harmful stereotypes and ridiculing those who deviate from the norm. This dynamic underscores the emotional toll that societal expectations of masculinity exert on young men. In the first movement, for example, we see boys imitating each other's behaviour to fit in, demonstrating how peer influence can perpetuate toxic masculine ideals.
Identity development is another key theme. Throughout the play, characters struggle to reconcile their sense of self with the societal and peer expectations placed on them. From childhood to adulthood, the male characters attempt to define their identity, but their emotional lives remain largely hidden, making this process fraught with difficulty. Jo's experimentation with his appearance, for example, highlights his uncertainty about his own identity in a world that pressures him to conform.
Space and character
The setting of a male public toilet is more than just a literal location; it is a symbolic space where male characters confront their deepest emotional struggles. The toilet, simultaneously public and private, allows characters to both reveal and conceal their emotions. It is a space where characters engage in acts of ‘release’, both physically and emotionally, as they navigate their inner lives.
The use of multi-role performances adds another layer to the exploration of masculinity. Actors disappear into cubicles only to emerge as entirely different characters, reflecting the fluidity of male identity and the way individuals adopt different masks in public and private life. Costuming also plays a key role, serving as both a form of disguise and self-expression. The play is filled with moments where clothing becomes a symbol of identity experimentation, particularly when characters break away from stereotypical masculine dress codes.
Ultimately, Boys on the Verge of Tears portrays masculinity as both fragile and transformative, a construct that is continually redefined through the experiences of the characters. Through its raw and poignant exploration of male identity, the play urges its audience to question societal norms and recognise the toll emotional repression takes on men across different stages of life.
Resources
Q&A with Sam Grabiner: Interview with Sam Grabiner, winner of 2022 Verity Bargate Award for new writing – Soho Theatre (https://sohotheatre.com/events/boys-on-the-verge-of-tears/)
Since the play deals heavily with themes of mental health and emotional repression, using educational resources around these topics could be helpful:
Young Minds:
Resources and advice for working with young people on issues of mental health. https://www.youngminds.org.uk/
The Mental Health Foundation:
Offers information and resources about emotional health in children and adolescents, including discussion guides for schools. https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/
Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM):
Suicide prevention charity (thecalmzone.net)